What Is 40 Years Old And A Complete Waste Of Time


Happy Birthday RUBIX cube…And I vividly remember when my father first gave me THE CUBE  in hopes of calming the extreme GEN X, adhd in me when I was 8 years old (1974).  I also vividly remember my response, “Cool Pops!!! A square baseball with many colors….Can I go out now and play some baseball!” It was at this moment that my father realized he was going to have many headaches in his future regarding his first born son…and replied, “No Christian…this is NOT a multi-colored, square baseball…This is a RUBIX cube…”  After about 10 minutes of explaining and showing me how to play the RUBIX cube, he left me alone with it thinking to himself, “PERFECT!  I will have about 2 years of PEACE as my son tries to figure the RUBIX cube out!”

A very long story short….I tried this RUBIX cube thing for about 15 minutes and then got extremely BORED with it….but I also wanted to make my father proud by finishing this RUBIX cube game so my solution was very simple…I took out my little painting set and the LITTLE BRUSH that came with it that my parents had given me a few years earlier when I was addicted to FINGER PAINTING (I think it was the smell of the PAINT that I was addicted to) and I painted the RUBIX cube so that every color matched on each side..PROBLEM SOLVED…

About 30 minutes after my father had given me that RUBIX cube thing that he had hoped would calm me down for 2 years…all he heard was “Look Pops! I finished the RUBIX cube game…NOW, I’m gonna play some baseball!”…and I was out the door faster than a father can say, “Don’t do that SON!”

All I’m gonna say about playing baseball with a RUBIX cube is that…..THERE IS NOTHING MORE FUN in the life of an 8 year old GEN xer with extreme ADHD than to play baseball with a RUBIX cube for about 4 innings….I mean, the fastballs you can throw with a RUBIX cube were unbelievable…even more fun was trying to catch a RUBIX ripped to the 3rd base line on the a wicked SHORT-HOP in order to completie a FANCY double play…The BEST, however, were the REGGIE JACKSON home runs you could hit that would always smash and PERFECTLY ding all the parked cars in the bleacher section of our baseball field.

And then everything STOPPED…thanks to the FAT-KID from 114th street and Amsterdam avenue…who we USED to call the “DANCING TEDDY BEAR”…I will never forget it…it was the bottom of the 4th inning of a really tight game…the score was 21 to 20 with my team winning (back then I think the RUBIX cube was made in america instead of CHINA like today so they lasted much longer)…the bases were loaded and our skinny Puerto Rican pitcher named GREG tried to sneak an INSIDE FASTBALL past the DANCING TEDDY BEAR for STRIKE three….but, instead of being on the INSIDE of the HOME PLATE…his pitched TURNED into A SQUARE MEATBALL right down the MIDDLE of the PLATE…

And let me tell you…the DANCING teddy BEAR crushed that PITCHED…I mean, literally, crushed that RUBIX cube…he hit that RUBIX cube so hard and so far that it FLEW through the WINDOW of some APARTMENT on the 5th floor…COMPLETE DEAD SILENCE…you could hear a PIN drop in CHINATOWN that’s how silent it became (we were on 112th street)…GAME OVER as we all fled the CRIME scene back to our individual homes.

It goes without saying that when I got home, the first thing I wanted was another RUBIX cube…”Hey Pops! Someone stole my RUBIX cube…Can I get another one tomorrow!” …to which he replied…”OH hells NO!! Here is something called a BASKETBALL! Now, go learn how to play down there on those basketball courts and let me get some sleep!”  Being a good son, I listened to my FATHER and started playing basketball..10 years later (18 years old) I was one of the top 20 best high school basketball players in NYC and one of the best 250 in the nation…proving that WHITE BOYS can jump (I had a vertical of 40 inches)..black jesus was my name in the mean-streets of ghettos throughout new york city…because I looked like jesus but jumped like a BLACK guy!  So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY rubix cube…you were a TON of fun for a brief moment in MY LIFE….


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